An onion in my belt



One of the many houses built from karri wood



Pemberton is a quaint quirky town in WA’s south west.  It is best known for its magnificent karri forests.  These trees grow to 80m and live for 200 years – they are absolutely gigantic, and beautiful.  There is high rainfall here (1,100mm pa) so the grass is always green, the cows and sheep are fat, and it’s damp and smells wonderful.

There are many heritage listed houses in Pemberton, all built from karri wood. 

If you like trains, you'll love Pemberton.  They have quite a stock of old engines, carriages and whatnot, and you can even ride on the old tram to Warren Bridge.



Pemberton historic Train Station



We decide to have our picnic lunch right here next to the tracks



But.......

BEWARE



Our tram conductor stops the tram for
a few minutes to discuss a tree



Fans of the Simpsons may recall a very early epsiode which features Grampa Simpson sitting under a large lemon tree, talking endlessly about his youth, which included a meandering (and boring) discussion that started with "I used to wear an onion in my belt.... which was a style of the times....." and ended with the same sentence. 



Our tram conductor could be likened to Grampa Simpson.  His rambling and meandering continued, unabated, and enthusiastically, and noisily, for 90 minutes.

Every tree was named, in common terms and with the botanical name attached, and often spelled out.

The tram was stopped on numerous ocassions so he could ramble on about a flower, about why a log has a particular colour, and to discuss, at length, the difference between hard wood and soft wood.

Dear reader, do not take pity on this old man, possibly a volunteer, who is just trying to share his wealth of knowledge with we mere tourists.  This was a hostage situation.

There was no getting way.

The speakers on each carriage were loud.  Shrill.  Every syllabub was an insult to my ear drums.

Do we need to know what trees he observed while travelling in South Africa?  Did we need to hear him say "Of course, I wouldn't go to Sth Africa now, what with all their problems of late...." when there is, plainly, a nice looking Sth African family sitting on the tram?

Do we need to have every species of tree names AND spelled out for us?

Halfway along the journey, the tram was stopped and we were advised that a 10 minute break would ensue, to stretch our legs.  "Walk down the hill to the water's edge, there is a pretty waterfall," he advised us, "I'll toot the horn when it's time to return".  For 5 minutes he explained that the kiddies should be careful walking along the path.

So with five minutes remaining of our reprieve, like cattle we were herded, single file, down the path to the water, which took five minutes.  The horn was sounded, and we about-faced to return to the tram.

This time I put bits of tissues in my ears to muffle the speakers.

The conductor continued.

"Time now to learn about the tallest tree ever measured; which of course is not the same as the tallest tree alive now, not to be confused with the American trees (I'll give you the spelling of that).  Then we have the widest girth on a tree.  Now that's from South Africa, and there's a nice church made out of that material if you're ever over there.... now the name that tree is the Boam, not to be confused with the Australian Boab, now i'll spell that for you.  Now that reminds me of an interesting story, i'll get back to that in a minute."

Children were restless, staring at their knees in well behaved manner, or crying and wriggling.

The young woman next to us was shooting daggers at her boyfriend, who must have been a train-freak.

The couple behind us laughed the whole way there and the whole way back - that nervous "oh-my-god-what-am-i-doing" kind of laugh.

And we laughed too.

Here's a clip - turn up the volume!! (it goes for 23 seconds, so you can imagine what 90 minutes felt like!!!)

(for more hilarious Grampa Simpson ramblings, check out http://www.simpsoncrazy.com/lists/grampa-stories, which is a site I found while preparing this blog post....)